How Childhood Trauma Impacts Adult Relationships, and What Can Help
Introduction
Childhood experiences shape the way we see ourselves, others, and the world. When those early experiences include trauma—such as neglect, abuse, inconsistent caregiving, or chronic stress—the effects can echo throughout adulthood, especially in relationships. Many adults find themselves repeating painful patterns without fully understanding why. The good news: healing is possible, and approaches like EMDR therapy and the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP) offer powerful ways to create lasting change.
At Mountain Brow Counselling, we have therapists trained in EMDR and SSP who can help you break free from the patterns learned throughout a traumatic childhood.
How Childhood Trauma Shows Up in Adult Relationships
1. Difficulty Trusting Others
Children who grew up with unpredictable or unsafe caregivers often learn that closeness equals danger. As adults, this may look like:
Waiting for the “other shoe to drop”
Keeping emotional walls high
Feeling anxious or suspicious in healthy relationships
2. People-Pleasing or Conflict Avoidance
If you learned early on that anger or needs created conflict, you may now prioritize others’ comfort over your own. This can lead to resentment, burnout, or feeling invisible.
3. Fear of Abandonment
Those who experienced emotional or physical abandonment may become hyper-attuned to rejection. Small changes in a partner’s tone, text response time, or mood can trigger intense fear or panic.
4. Emotional Numbing or Disconnection
Some people cope by shutting down emotionally. This can make deep intimacy or vulnerability feel overwhelming—even with someone trustworthy.
5. Attraction to Familiar Patterns
We often gravitate toward what feels familiar, not necessarily what feels healthy. This can lead to repeating old relationship dynamics, even when they hurt.
These patterns aren’t personal flaws—they’re survival strategies developed at a time when they were needed. Therapy helps update these old patterns so your present-day life can feel safer, calmer, and more connected.
How EMDR Therapy Helps Heal Relationship Patterns
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is an evidence-based therapy specifically designed to help the brain process unresolved traumatic memories.
EMDR can help by:
Reducing emotional reactivity tied to past experiences
Rewiring negative core beliefs, such as “I’m unlovable,” or “I can’t trust anyone.”
Strengthening emotional regulation, making relationship stress easier to manage
Integrating past memories, so they feel like something that happened, not something you’re still living
Most clients report feeling lighter, clearer, and more grounded in themselves—making healthier relationships possible.
How the Safe and Sound Protocol Supports Relationship Healing
The Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP) is a polyvagal-based listening therapy that helps regulate the nervous system, especially for those with trauma histories or chronic emotional dysregulation.
SSP works by:
Calming the fight-or-flight response
Helping the body feel safe in social situations
Improving emotional resilience
Enhancing the ability to connect, listen, and communicate
Because relationships require co-regulation—our nervous systems influencing one another—SSP can be especially helpful for those who feel chronically on edge, shut down, or overly sensitive to others’ emotions.
When EMDR and SSP Are Combined
Combining these approaches can be transformative:
SSP helps create a regulated, receptive foundation in the body.
EMDR processes the unresolved memories that created the old patterns.
Together, they support both the mind and the nervous system—leading to deeper, more lasting change.
Healing Is Possible
If childhood trauma is affecting your relationships today, you are not alone—and you are not broken. Your patterns were adaptive responses to an earlier environment. With the right support, your brain and body can learn new ways of relating, connecting, and feeling safe.
If you’re ready to explore EMDR therapy, the Safe and Sound Protocol, or a combination of both, you can book a free consultation with one of our therapists today.
