Finding Joy Without Guilt: Smiling Again After Loss
Introduction
Grief is not linear. It doesn’t follow a schedule, and it certainly doesn’t ask for permission. One moment, it’s all-consuming - taking up every inch of space in your body, your thoughts, your breath. And then, without warning, there’s a flicker of something else.
A smile.
A genuine laugh.
A moment of lightness in a sea of heaviness.
And just as suddenly as it arrives, the guilt sets in.
“How can I feel happy when they’re gone?”
“Am I forgetting them?”
“Do I even deserve to feel good again?”
If you’ve ever asked yourself those questions, you’re not alone. The collision of joy and grief is disorienting. It can feel like betraying your loss. At Mountain Brow Counselling, our therapists are experienced in assisting individuals through their grief journey, and want to encourage you when you begin to feel like yourself again after grief has weighed you down.
Joy and Grief Can Coexist
Grief doesn’t disappear - it reshapes itself. It softens over time, then sharpens when you least expect it. But within that evolution, there’s room for other emotions too. Feeling joy after loss doesn’t mean the love you had is gone. It means you are still alive and that’s not something to be ashamed of. That’s something to honour.
Smiling doesn’t erase the pain. It simply reminds us that the heart is capable of holding more than one truth at once. You can miss someone deeply and still laugh at something funny. You can carry sorrow in your bones and still dance, still breathe, still love.
Guilt is Normal, But It Doesn’t Deserve to Lead
Guilt often shows up when we start to heal, not because healing is wrong, but because part of us fears that moving forward means leaving something behind. But healing is not forgetting. Healing is remembering with tenderness instead of only with pain.
Your joy is not a betrayal. It’s a sign that your grief has not consumed the entirety of who you are.
You Are Still Here for a Reason
One of the hardest truths to accept is that life continues after loss. Your presence here matters. You are still part of the story. And if joy begins to return - no matter how small, no matter how brief - don’t turn away from it. Let it in.
Let it remind you of your capacity to love, your ability to connect, and the resilience that’s carried you this far.
Ways to Welcome Joy Without Guilt
If you’re struggling with joy feeling “wrong” after loss, here are a few gentle practices that may help:
Talk to your person: Whether in prayer, writing, or quiet thought, speak to the one you lost. Tell them about your joy. Imagine them smiling with you.
Create a joy ritual: Light a candle, write in a journal, take a walk—whatever helps you honour both your grief and your joy in the same space.
Surround yourself with people who understand: Find others who allow you to feel fully, who don’t expect you to “move on,” but celebrate when you move forward.
Give yourself permission daily: Literally say to yourself, “It’s okay to feel good today.” Repeat it until your body believes it.
A Final Thought
Grief will always be a part of you. So will love. So can joy. One does not cancel the other. In fact, joy can be a way to carry your love forward—to live in a way that honours the person or part of yourself that was lost.
Smiling again doesn’t mean the loss didn’t matter.
It means it mattered so much, it changed the way you see everything—including happiness.
And yes, you deserve that smile. You always have.
If you are in Ontario and looking for support around this topic, you can book a free consultation with one of our therapists today, and you can get the support you need.
