The Power of Being a Good Enough Parent: Why Perfection Isn’t the Goal
Introduction
In a world of Instagram-perfect parenting and constant comparison, it’s easy to feel like being a “good enough” parent isn’t, well, enough. But what if that’s exactly the point? In our practice in Hamilton, Ontario, we support a lot of parents who constantly feel like they aren’t doing it right or aren’t doing enough. Hey, we get it, we’re all parents too. But what if “good enough” is not settling, but actually the wisest, most compassionate target we could aim for? In fact, not only is there is robust research to support good enough parenting, it is also not only good for kids, but good for parents’ mental health too if we can shift that goal post.
What Is a “Good Enough” Parent?
The term “good enough mother” was coined by British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott in the 1950s. He observed that babies actually benefit when their parents aren’t perfect. In the beginning, a good enough parent meets most of their baby’s needs quickly and consistently. But over time, small, manageable “failures” — like waiting a moment to be picked up or not getting the blue cup — help children learn how to tolerate frustration, build resilience, and navigate a world that won’t always meet their needs instantly or exactly.
Being “good enough” means you’re attuned, responsive, and emotionally available most of the time — not all of the time. It means you repair after mistakes, model healthy imperfection, and build trust through consistency, not flawlessness.
Why Good Enough Is Better Than Perfect
1. Perfection Is a Myth (and a Stressful One at That)
Perfectionism in parenting is unsustainable and rooted in fear — fear of messing up, fear of being judged, fear of not being enough. It leads to burnout, anxiety, and often, disconnection from your own needs. Children don’t need a perfect parent. They need a human one.
2. Repair Matters More Than Always Getting It Right
Every parent loses their patience, says the wrong thing, or misses a cue. What matters is what happens after. When we say, “I’m sorry I yelled. That wasn’t okay. Let’s try again,” we teach accountability, empathy, and emotional regulation — not by being perfect, but by being real.
3. Trying to Be “The Best Mom” Often Comes at a Cost
The pressure to be “the best” often leads to over-functioning — doing everything for your kids, putting your own needs last, and measuring worth by productivity. Over time, this erodes mental health and models unhealthy patterns. Kids benefit from parents who are emotionally nourished and present, not constantly depleted in pursuit of being “the best.”
4. Good Enough Parenting Builds Resilient Kids
When we offer a safe, loving environment and allow space for struggle, disappointment, and emotional growth, kids develop crucial life skills: frustration tolerance, problem-solving, and self-regulation. Resilience isn’t built in bubble wrap. It’s built through supported imperfection.
Letting Go of the Ideal, Embracing the Real
Being a good enough parent means:
Responding with warmth and care more often than not
Making mistakes and coming back to repair
Honouring your own limits and needs
Offering your child the gift of your authentic self – your child just wants to know you, not the version you think you need to be
When we drop the pressure to be perfect, we create more space to actually enjoy parenting — to laugh, to connect, to grow alongside our children.
The Bottom Line
Good enough isn’t lazy. It’s grounded. It’s wise. It’s deeply compassionate — toward our children and ourselves.
You don’t need to be the best mom. You just need to be a good enough one, over and over again. That’s where connection lives. That’s where kids thrive. And that’s more than enough. Click here to book a free consultation today with one of our excellent therapists who can assist you on you parenting journey.
